I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
