Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
