I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
