News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
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