Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Randomize
