she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
