I CAN MOONWALK!
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Quick, to the slutcave!
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
