Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
