my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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