My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
