i just wanna soil my oats bro
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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