Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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