You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Hippo gnu deer
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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