My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
