Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
