Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
