In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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