i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
