Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
