I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
