I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
