Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
