So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
