He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
