i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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