Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
