You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
