you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
