also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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