He disabled his match.com account in front of me
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
