talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Im part way to drunk.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
