I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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