those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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