i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
