I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
