i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
