Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
