I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
