I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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