MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
