No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
