Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
