We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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