I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Even my vagina gasped.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
