Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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