So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
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