I murdered the dance floor call the cops
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
