i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
