He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
