Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You're like the curious george of whores
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
